Wriggle me this, wriggle me that

Only men who have worn a ski suit understand how complicated it is for a woman to go to the bathroom when she’s wearing a jumpsuit.

Rita Rudner

Now whose idea was it to design adult rompers? Did someone really sit down and think this through? Why subject adults to this travesty? Don’t we have enough problems on our hands adulting as it is? Must we further add insult to injury by having to figure out how to hold our bladder long enough to wriggle out of a romper when using the bathroom?

Why do we have to be copycats of infant fashion? Take note: when babies need to be changed, there’s always a pair of capable adult hands ready to unzip, unbutton, unclasp and voila baby is now free and unrestricted. However, the adult version of this is not as straightforward. Granted, rompers make us look just as cute, where are those additional pairs of hands when we want to use the bathroom? We certainly need it, but asking a random stranger to help you take off your romper when you go to the bathroom is just weird for the both of you.

I have studied romperology, (the science of wearing rompers because it is a science) and I have noticed that most rompers look great and the good thing is they come in all shapes and sizes. But getting in and out of them is a skill that needs to be learned and rehearsed. If you suffer from incontinence or it’s that time of the month, well forget it. Few romper-makers are considerate enough to put a zip, and when they do, that zip only goes halfway up the side.

All the rompers I own – mind you, you would think I would learn after my first pair, but I have quite a few – require me to execute my gymnastic and contortion skills to get in and out of them while doing a kegel workout.

It’s a task to just wiggle your arms and torso out of the top half. Next, depending on how snug your jumper is, a whole lot of shimmying ensues to get it past your hips. Of course, it does not end there, should your jumper be floor-length as mine usually is, when you sit, you have to hold up your pants’ hems so that they don’t drag on the floor and keep holding them up as you wiggle back in.

If you’ve attempted this while holding your phone in one hand, your clutch in the other or any other accoutrements and were successful, then, you deserve an award.

If you’ve attempted this whilst simultaneously experiencing a hot flash, looking for your house keys just as your bladder was about to explode, then you deserve a noble prize.

To romper-wearers everywhere I salute you!

Pro tip: On purchasing rompers, also buy some bladder control pads. Thank me later :/

Anxious to know what are some of your horror stories on wearing rompers. Tell me in the comment box below.